6 June 2006

Never-Say-Neverisms

-Avoid run-on sentences they are hard to read.

-Don't use no double negatives.

-Use the semicolon properly, always use it where it is appropriate; and never where it isn't.

-Reserve the apostrophe for it's proper use and omit it when its not needed.

-Do not put statements in the negative form.

-Verbs has to agree with their subjects.

-No sentence fragments.

-Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

-If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.

-Steer clear of incorrect verb forms that have snuck into the language.

-Take the bull by the hand in leading away from mixed metaphors.

-Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.

-Like, be aware that "like" is, like, easily misused.

-Try to never split infinitives.

-Never, ever use repetitive redundancies.

-Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.

-I must have told you a million times to resist hyperbole.

-Also, avoid awkward and affected alliteration.

-"Avoid overuse of 'quotation "marks" ' ".

-Avoid commas, that are not necessary.

-A writer must not shift your point of view.

-And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.

-Don't overuse exclamation marks!!!!!

-Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of ten or more words, to their antecedents.

-Write all adverbial forms correct.

-Avoid un-necessary hyphenation.

-When dangling, watch your participles.

-It is incumbent on us to avoid archaic phrases.

-Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.

-It's hard to imagine a phrase when you will have needed the future perfect.

-Unqualified superlatives are the worst.

-Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague.

-A preposition is a terrible word to end a sentence with.

3 comments:

Nancy said...

rotfl! I love it!! :D

Wendy said...

Yes, but one of these days I'll have to make an effort and post something sensible or serious… I've read these stories and things a thousand times each, but I still laugh every time I read them again!!

--Anjie-- said...

I laughed so much!! This is so funny! I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT!